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Monthly Archives: February 2013

All part of His plan

I am finally free.

Last night, I ended things with him. It went very well. I guess this is the happy ending after all; moving on – to better things.

We’ve accepted that maybe it’s just not meant to be, and maybe we’re not right for each other…. right now (who knows?) Nonetheless, our doors are still open for each other. Maybe we’ll happen someday, maybe never. We did try, and it just didn’t work out. Things were too complicated, and the timing was off. It’s best that we let it go. 🙂

I’m just glad I made the right decision. It really was all just part of His plan. 

This week was a rollercoaster ride. With all the prom proposal expectations, to realizations, to disappointments – I’m glad things happened the way they did this week. No regrets. Maybe God really didn’t want Enzo to ask me to Prom so I could take Dan and finally clear things up with him. And Gabgabe was there to help make things happen.

I felt stuck, trying to figure out my feelings for both Enzo and Dan, but in the end, I emerged, SINGLE AND FLYING SOLO. Hahahaha. Just like it always should have been. I know now I should use this time to better myself, and who knows, if I get lucky, I just might find good love.

I was torn because here it was, a new potential thing with Enzo, but then he was too scared to take it, and I’d been dumb enough to wait again for another guy. I do appreciate that he wants to keep his distance as to be cautious and not to spoil the friendship, but it really does suck. Ohwell, again, I just need to trust in His plan. He really can’t avoid me forever. I just hate it there’s drama in the community again.

I’m really happy I can be bestfriends with Dan again, without the complications anymore. I’m glad we did the right thing. I’m bummed it ended, but a much greater part of me is relieved.

I know this is just the start of better things falling into place. 🙂



There are some things College Ara should learn from High School Ara.

  • Like how art was her passion, how it inspired her to live, how it showed her to be grateful for her life and for all her blessings. Art taught her to appreciate what was around her, to appreciate what she had — and it was more than enough. I guess not being around artists in school is really sucking out the life in me. Without them, I just can’t create. College is just a little more dull without them. :< I need color back in my life! Where are these people!
  • Like how photography was always meaningful, in a sense that a phone or an iTouch cannot capture. How her photographs would show her the beauty of her everyday life to make her realize that there is alot to be thankful for.
  • Like how she was never afraid to be herself, and how she didn’t give a damn about what other people thought. That Ara who just did her own thing, for herself, because she can. That passionate and motivated Ara, who just had so much energy for life. That confident/awesome chick who stayed inspired no matter what. That Ara who knew what she wanted and just went for it, with nothing holding her back. She knew how to balance her life, she was independent and she did all these things because she wanted to be a better person, and ultimately, because she valued and respected herself. That Ara who loved herself. (SORRY THIS PARAGRAPH IS SO SELF-ABSORBED BUT HEY, THIS IS RARE)
  • Like how she had true friends who loved and accepted her for who she was. She didn’t have to pretend. These people knew. And they loved her anyway. True friends I can be REALLY weird with (cause nobody in college can be as fucking weird as me and my friends.) True friends I’d laugh with all day and night, friends who knew how to make me smile.
  • College has changed my identity so much, and I guess I’ve aged since then. I’m no longer that muchier girl that I knew from before. I feel boring sometimes. I used to feel like a child, with so much wonder and curiosity. Now I feel like I’ve aged so much that I’ve lost my sense of wonder. The little things no longer amuse me, and I forget to partake in all the beauty surrounding me.
  • I can’t even connect to the people around me in school. It’s so rare (actually, never) to even have deep conversations with these people. I feel like an outsider sometimes. They weren’t kidding when they said college would be diverse, but they never said how hard it would be to find real, genuine people here. Sure enough we meet alot of interesting people, but where are the people that will change our lives and make us better?
  •  Sometimes I think it’s cause I know I should be in the other school because I feel like that’s where I really belong, the place I call home, where I can call my friends family. Where I will love my course and be active in all my orgs, and everyday would be a wonderful adventure. Just thinking about living my dreams, in my dream school drives me crazy. But hey I’m all the way in Taft. It’s not bad here I guess, but it’s not great! or amazing! either.
  • Sometimes I think people try way too hard to fit in college. Sometimes we change ourselves to be liked by people, to be accepted, that we forget who we really are. The more time we spend in college, the more we erase our past selves. We forget about all our little quirks and the things that made us unique, the things that made you, you. We lose our sense of individuality. Suddenly, we’re not different anymore. Suddenly, we try to be what they expect us to be. I think it’s really sad. I wish we didn’t need to impress people to find our place here.
  • I was thinking that college would be the time for me to bloom, but everytime I think about it, it’s like I was a much better person back then (in some certain aspects).
  • Anyway no more moping! Time to be better!! just glad I got to look back and reflect, now I’m inspired to live again. 🙂

He’s just not that into you.

  1. Consistency
  2. Effort
  3. Timing
  4. Chemistry

= He’s just not that into you.

Best not to force things, and let life run its’ natural course. Must focus on bettering myself first. 🙂

Anyway, I realized that I was still holding on to the person you used to be. Maybe deep inside my head, I was waiting for you to become that person again. I know in my heart that you’re not that person I liked anymore, but I still have these lingering feelings for you. Maybe it’s only because of the what ifs and the possibility of us that keeps me waiting. And I guess the same goes for you. Ever since you found out that I liked you, you developed these feelings for me. And I guess it only makes sense because you thought about it, and maybe you did consider it. But that doesn’t mean you like me. You just think you like me, or you think you could like me. Liking someone is something else. If you really liked someone, things would be so simple.

If it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t right.

For now, maybe it’s best we let it go. We’re two different people, at two different roads. We both want different things right now. But that doesn’t mean I’m closing my door. I’ll still leave the light on. 🙂