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Monthly Archives: September 2011

of a seemingly lost friendship – part one.

Around 3 months ago, I decided to forego a friendship.

It was a point wherein I felt the need to cut this person out of my life because I believed that I was in a toxic relationship with her.

I realized that I didn’t want to keep people like her around in my life, and the feeling was probably mutual, though it was unspoken. It felt like a cold war, a never ending paranoia on what the other end might be thinking, saying or feeling.

To be completely honest, all the time that we were friends I felt as though she hated my guts (secretly). It was an on and off feeling. Most times I could sense that she was iffy with me, though I didn’t exactly know the reason why she would feel that way towards me. She often kept it to herself, without giving me the chance to know what I did wrong. She was the type to sort of just… give you the silent treatment when she is not on good terms with you. We had a disagreement in the past year, yet I decided to pursue my friendship with her and apologized. This time around, I honestly don’t see the point in fixing my relationship with this person anymore so I just let it go.

And although I’d like to think that she tried her very best to deal with me, I guess that ultimately she didn’t accept me for who I was. Rather, she disliked my existence and my very being. I felt judged by her. I didn’t know what I did to make her dislike me so much. Maybe it was just me being myself, I guess.

Maybe she couldn’t tolerate being friends with someone like me, and well I thought to myself, who needs someone like that! Why bother being friends with someone who didn’t accept you completely for who you were? I didn’t need someone who held grudges against me and felt resentment and bitterness towards me. I didn’t want to associate myself with someone who couldn’t see past my flaws and imperfections as a human being. I decided to surround myself with people who only bring out the best in me and help me become better as a person. Obviously, I felt that all she did was bring me down so I had to let go.

It was as easy as clicking a button to let her completely disappear from my life, and I’d think that I actually did her a favor as well.

Maybe ending this friendship was for the best, after all.

Of course there were qualities about her which irked me from time to time, but I learned how to deal with them. Unfortunately, she couldn’t deal with mine. And as much as I want to believe and see the innate good in her, it has pretty much been tainted by all the things she’s (probably unconsciously) done to hurt me – be it from her insensitivity or the vibe of hatred I get from her. I used to think the world of this person, I honestly believed her to be one of the nicest people I knew….now I don’t even know anymore.

So here’s to lost friendships and broken relationships. Maybe I was meant to suck at them.

relationshits & friendshits.

Sometimes less is more. Moving forward with stronger relationships is important.

I’m really starting to dislike people more and more everyday.

I’m becoming more misanthropic.

And my dislike for everyone is continuing to grow each day.

I’m slowly losing my faith in humanity.

Heck, I’m slowly giving up on humanity.

Relationshits & Friendshits! I am tired!

Sometimes being human is just so exhausting and just 92873283712 times more exhausting and frustrating when you interact with other people.

Sometimes, I think I’m better off fenced and alone.

The world is making me hard. The world is breaking my heart.

Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.